mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
