Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
