Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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