i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
