The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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