i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
