I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got inside last night via doggy door
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
