Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
