I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
