there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
