you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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