this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
