Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
