god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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