You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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