38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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