At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
