I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize