Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
