Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
