She's JV to your varsity
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize