hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
