she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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