A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
