I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were trust falling into bushes
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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