and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
