This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize