Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
