STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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