they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
