hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
