My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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