If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
In America we eat man semen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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