return my video game
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
