i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize