Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize