It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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