the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
