my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
