but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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