I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize