I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
