i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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