sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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