Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
