That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
