this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
