I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We left the knife in your bed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
