Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize