I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
