i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize