Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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