I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
