The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
