Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
