and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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