Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
