p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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