3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
