Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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