they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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