you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
