I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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