I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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