i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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