I faked an abortion last night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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