I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
