well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
