Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
