You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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