You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
