one two three fourrrrnication!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
