Can Purell be used as lube?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
