I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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