So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
