apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
